Facing Adversity- by Ingrid Nazar

Facing Adversity

Adversity is like a strong wind.  It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.  ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Quite by surprise a blog I posted in March 2011 appeared in my computer downloads. Never assuming anything is without purpose I have decided to repost this one from my archives. It begins with my thoughts on the March 11, 2011 earthquake and subsequent tsunami off the coast of Japan.

 As I have watched with the world these past weeks the traumatic events unfolding in Japan I can’t help but be reminded of a time when a force of nature brought adversity suddenly and unexpectedly into my own life. Although my experience can in no way compare to the extent of loss and devastation that has occurred in Japan I can because of what I went through, more deeply empathize with the Japanese people and marvel at the way they face this adversity with such honour and courage. It is interesting to note that the Japanese character for the word crisis is made up of two words, one meaning danger and the other opportunity. Perhaps the Japanese have always known what the new emerging fields of positive psychology have recently discovered which is the innate capacity for human beings to flourish under dire circumstances and that adversity need not always lead to post traumatic stress but that in many instances it can lead to what has now been coined post-traumatic growth.

In actuality research shows that nearly half of the people who experience adversity claim that in some way their lives have improved.  In looking back now at my own experience with adversity I can say that this has held true for me as I have acquired qualities, understanding and strengths that I might not have otherwise attained.

Eight years ago my children and myself spent the summer as we did every year with my parents at their home on the outskirts of Kelowna B.C.

This summer was particularly dry and although forest fires are ever prevalent in the mountains of B.C. this particular summer lightening literally did strike. This lightening bolt struck a single tree and ignited the most destructive fire in Canadian history. We were among 27000 residents evacuated, fleeing single file in vehicles down a mountain side already engulfed in flames. We see natural disasters on the news; in fact we expect to see them there, however rarely do we think that it will ever happen to us.  We never really want to entertain the possibility that life can change in an instant and yet it does and of course for us it did.

The fire was fickle with the homes it chose to take skipping one taking another; my parent’s home completely incinerated while homes on either side remained remarkably untouched and unscathed. We couldn’t help but wonder why us? As if there should be an answer or explanation that would make it to all suddenly make sense, satisfy our sense of fairness and allow us to accept and move on. However in reality sometimes there isn’t an answer and that in itself is a lesson in learning to let go and an opportunity to turn thoughts inward, soul search and probe deeper into the meaning of our life.

The letting go process is never easy but it is essential to moving through adversity, it’s kind of like an expression I’ve heard, that moving  through life is like traversing monkey bars, you need to let go of one rung in order to move on to another.

So with us it kind of happened like that and then a miraculous thing occurred, we began to see the blessings of what we really did have, and feel the enormous gratitude to those who really came forward to assist in so many ways and even something new and unexpected appeared in my father, he was no longer a man with cancer facing the end of his life he was a man now with a purpose. I truly believe that the disaster of the fire was in many ways a blessing in disguise and one that I feel extended my father’s life in many ways. It wasn’t long before hardship for him turned into tribulation as he began furiously drafting the design of his new home, a dream he thought to never realize in his lifetime.

This is not to say that for my parents or others who lost their homes that summer, that overcoming adversity was that simple or that they did not have difficult days, feel anger, self pity or depression. Of course they did, in fact it is during times of adversity that this lid we have so carefully sealed over our emotions is especially prone to pop off and adversity acts then as a catalyst for this very necessary cathartic emotional release to occur. So rather than to say that this spirit of tribulation and growth replaces suffering and loss I think is more realistic to suggest that they both co-exist along side of each other and as with most things it becomes a gradual process of unfolding.  

So I am thankful now in retrospect for the lessons I have learned in the face of adversity and have noticed some subtle yet profound changes that mark the way I now navigate life. I have realized that I don’t hold on to much these days and appreciate the fleeting nature of what I do have. I have greater empathy for the suffering of others and feel that I have developed a faith that leads me to believe that everything in life has a place and a purpose. So perhaps in a pleasure seeking world it’s worthy to note that sometimes adversity has a place and although we may not recognize it at the time its presence in the experience of life may not be such a bad thing after all.          

Japanese Proverb

“My barn having burned to the ground. I can now see the moon.”

Ingrid Nazar, RIHR Spiritual Psychotherapist.